The Good Word

I feel that the spiritual fog that has enveloped me over the last few months was finally lifted on Wednesday night. And it all began with a video. But let me digress…

In my day to day living and spinning on a giant ball in the midst of an even bigger universe I give very little thought to the wonder of creation. When I first moved to Colorado there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t notice the splendor of the mountains.

Within my first couple of days in Colorado Springs I had a co-worker inform me that if you really look, the mountains will look different every single day. And it’s true. Pike’s Peak at times varies in shades of grey, blue, green, purple, orange, white, and some days, when it is especially wintry outside, you can’t even see the top.

But for the last few months I stopped looking at the mountains. They in no way ceased to be impressive but they, like my life, seemed routine. My routine looks like this:

Wake up too late, shower, pick at my face, do my make-up, pause to look longingly at an old sorority hoodie and torn jeans and then find something that meets my company’s dress code, brush my teeth, grab a tumbler full of coffee, and drive to work—and then here I am again, an invisible chain around my ankle that ties me to my desk—answer emails, send emails, take phone calls, make phone calls—put  in my time, cram my evening full of social activities, stay up too late, go to bed. Wake up too late, frantically get ready…and it starts all over again.

In the midst of living an Office Space existence of 8-5, 8-5, 8-5, day after day, week after week, I do my best to demonstrate flair in the form of cute shoes and big jewelry. But I often feel like I’m missing out on the bigger picture.

It’s hard to pray sometimes when you sit in a grey cube and stare at a monitor all day. It’s even harder to really press into spiritual matters when your job entails spending all day analyzing other people spiritual insights in terms of how good they are at speaking and if their story would be a good fit on our radio broadcast. With such an overload of testimonies and stories I sometimes feel like my heart can’t take it all in so I just let things bounce off.

But on Wednesday I started reading a new book. It’s called Crazy Love and it’s by this pastor in CA named Frances Chan. In the first chapter he uses an analogy that hit through the wall of my heart and awakened me from my spiritual fog.  He states, 

“Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending. What a stunted, insignificant god that would be! If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can. God is so much bigger, so far beyond our time-encased, air/food/sleep–dependent lives.”

After reading that passage I watched a video he has on his website: www.crazylovebook.com Under Videos “The Awe Factor of God” and I was blown away by the images I saw.

Somewhere along the way how I interact with God had become routine as well as my prayers--saying the same things, thinking the same things, and somehow expecting different results. In chapter one Chan highlights Isaiah 6 and Revelation 4 as passages that magnify God on His throne.

The one who created the entire Universe created me. This God who sits on a throne with the appearance of thunder and emeralds with creatures covered in eyes that call out every moment of every day “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty” sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for me.

And so I fell to my knees and prayed in a way that I’ve never experienced before and I actually cried tears of gratitude for the wonder of it all.

The next morning I woke and I wasn’t bored of my life anymore and when I drove to work I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the mountains, and even later in the day sitting behind my desk I was amazed how nothing about God is within my comprehension and nothing about Him is routine.

Have any of you had any new spiritual insights? Or any books that you’ve read that have forever changed the way you interact with God? I would love to hear about

On Valentine’s Day it seems fitting that I share with you the story of the worst date I ever went on. If you are single—BEWARE—guys like this really do exist.

It started innocently enough. It was the summer of 2004 and I was a 21-year-old summer intern in the broadcasting division of Focus on the Family and I was having the time of my life. I seemed to be much more popular with Colorado mountain men than I was with the socially-awkward guys I kept meeting in my college town of Hillsdale, MI.

My boss at the time was aghast to find out that I was single and she insisted on setting me up.

First-date Lesson #1: Never allow yourself to be set-up by someone who does not know you very well.

My boss finagled a way for me to meet him prior to the date and I had an instant gut reaction—I was not attracted to him. A couple of days after this “chance encounter” he began emailing me. A steady, intravenous drip of emails began appearing in my outlook inbox before he finally asked, “Could I take you to dinner?”

I sat there, looking at the email, trying to decide what to do. I mean I really wasn’t interested…but he seemed nice enough…I was kind of broke…and it’s worth going on a date for a free dinner right?

First-date Lesson #2: Never go on a date with someone you are not attracted or interested in just because you will get a free dinner.

When I arrived at Carraba’s (luckily, I was smart enough to suggest that we meet there—just in case I needed an escape vehicle) I found that he had already been seated. It was July and he was wearing a black turtle neck and looked like he was brooding over the menu. The second I saw him I wished that I was not there (I also wished that I didn’t look so hot because I swear drool started pouring out of his mouth).

By the time our salads arrived (approx. 15.73 minutes into the date) I had found out that he was sexually abused as a child, used to struggle with alcoholism and was $23,856 in credit card debt.

First-date Lesson #3: If less than 20 minutes into a first-date a total stranger has dumped all of their emotional baggage on you, RUN!

While munching on a ranch-covered crouton he asked me what I thought about destiny. Before I had the chance to respond he entered into a soliloquy that went something like this:

“I used to think that God would naturally put someone in your path, that you would meet them, hit it off and live happily ever after.” He paused, and then asserted “Now, I believe that God gave us free-will, so that you can choose to pursue someone. For example, I used to know this guy who liked this girl, and he kept asking her out again and again and again and she kept saying no. He would just keep appearing on her doorstep to ask her out until she finally said yes, and now they’re married.”

At this point I have one thought screaming through my brain, “STALKER! STALKER! STALKER!”

I excused myself to the restroom. Unfortunately there were no windows or escape routes. As I stood there, staring into the mirror trying to decide what to do, a woman looked at me sympathetically and said, “Your date is going awful—but hang in there sweetie!” Apparently this woman was in the booth behind us and had heard the whole conversation.

Armed with her advice I made my way back to the table.

First-date Lesson #4: In moments of crisis do not listen to strangers. They can be stupid. If you feel like you are on a date with a freak, you probably are.

For the next 12 minutes conversation flowed normally. Okay, not normally, but at least it was about movies and music. He had bizarre tastes but I took this conversation as a welcome relief.  Good first date topics.

Then I made the mistake of asking him about his job. For some reason I was under the impression that he was a broadcast engineer. In reality he filed past broadcasts in alphabetical order. For a 29-year-old it kind of seemed like a dead-end job so I asked him what he saw himself doing in the future.

First-date Lesson #5: Never ask a question when you aren’t prepared to hear the answer.

His eyes lit up. He leaned in really close, looked deeply into my eyes and states with complete and total sincerity, “You know, it’s so interesting that you would ask, because recently I’ve been prophesized over. I am to become a televangelist.”

In my life I can think of a total of 3 times where I have been left speechless – I always have something to say.  Now I stuttered, I stammered, I did my best to get out an, “Oh. That’s neat.” And then turn my eyes back to my “free” dinner.

Then he reaches his hand across the table and grabs mine. He looks into my eyes and says matter-of-factly, “That’s why I think it’s so amazing that I’ve met you. I mean you are beautiful, you are outgoing, and you are a good public-speaker. Just think of the televangelism team that we will make.”

I am no Tammy Faye. For one thing, my hair isn’t big enough. “Wow. Um, that’s cool that you think that, but I’ve never really seen myself as a tele-evangelist.”

Then he utters this priceless bit of wisdom: “Eva, sometimes you don’t realize your destiny until it is upon you.”

Needless to say, his destiny did not involve a second date with me.

So this Valentine’s Day if you are tempted to go on a date for the free dinner, decline. If you are at home, alone, you might even consider turning on the TV, watching a televangelist and be thankful that it’s not you. 

Do you have a story to top mine? Leave me a comment.

I used to get down about being single. Especially at family gatherings, when sympathetic stares from aunts, and my dad offering to pay for eHarmony left me feeling like a patient in a quarantine ward with a terminal case of “Single-itis.”

It’s not that I didn’t date, it’s just that I always dated guys that appeared normal and then ended up being freaks.

Once, on a first date, in a middle of a restaurant, my date pulled out his Bible, read aloud to me Proverbs 31 and then asked me how I thought I compared. “I don’t,” I replied, “I’m not motivated to wake up at the crack of dawn to spin flax into robes for a boyfriend. Sorry.” 

Sometimes I would lie awake at night dwelling on mistakes made in past relationships, wondering if I was ever going to meet anyone. In retrospect I recognize my problem - I had never defined what I was looking for. Also, quite frankly, I never actually took the time to learn from the past, which left me in a constant cycle of making the same dating blunders again and again.

And it all changed when I decided to build my very own relationship resume.

At the time, I had a married co-worker who, unable to comprehend why a funny, pretty, fashionable gal like me was not dating anyone, offered to set me up. Jokingly, he informed me that I should give him a copy of my resume and some head shots to pass out.

I knew he was kidding, but at the same time it occurred to me that his idea had merit. This was going to be a cathartic experience; it was time for me to put on paper everything I had learned in the past. It was time for me to assess what I had to offer and define what I was looking for. This is what I came up with (click to enlarge):

I’ve coached many people in building their relationship resumes. Here are the basic 5 steps I teach:

1. Create Content That Sells: In today’ dating climate unless you are savvy with your resume, you are not going to land a date. Your resume design should get attention, but it’s really the content of your resume your skills and abilities that determine how many callbacks you can expect. Now is not the time for modesty. Be accurate and honest with your bullet points.

2. Quantify and Use Power-Words: The more specific you can be in describing your past experiences, the better. Identifying the amount of time you spent in your last relationship is a great display to future prospects of your past dedication. Also, power words such as “facilitated,” “participated,” and “encouraged” are real eye-catchers.

3. Avoid Negativity: It is easy to get down on yourself for everything you weren’t in past relationships. This is not the time to dwell on your mistakes, instead positively frame these experiences. For example, let’s say that one of your relationships was basically a glorified booty call and you don’t know how to spin it. Try: “Learned to thrive on last-minute changes” or “Gained ability to be spontaneous.” Always look for the positive.

4. Acknowledge and Accept Gaps: Sometimes you will have gaps between relationships, but this doesn’t have to be a disadvantage. You just need the right take on it. General Rule: Tell what you WERE doing, as gracefully as possible--rather than leave a gap. If you accumulated skills or experiences during the drought, say so.

5. Tweak and Target As Necessary: Keep in mind that depending on your target audience your resume may need to be altered slightly. For example, some potential dates might consider your extensive knowledge of medieval jousting, or your Scrabble win/loss record particularly important. I myself keep several tailored templates: Nerd Guy, Sport’s Guy, Goth Guy, Philosophical Guy, etc.

Finally, if you feel that the paper resume is a bit outdated in the Web 2.0 world, you might try a video resume:

So, during “love month,” if you are feeling left out of the red, white, and pink festivities, build yourself a relationship resume. At worst it will give you a good laugh, and help you reflect on your relational past. At best it could finally land you Mr./Ms. Right.

What on your resume?

Sidenote: Before you read this post, I would like to share that I am a woman of diverse interests. In the coming weeks expect to hear from me regularly on such topics as: growing up with hippie parents at Renaissance festivals, spending a year in the Land Down Under, and losing to Zach repeatedly at Scrabble (Sorry Eva, I am your editor after all).

The only things stopping me from truly embracing the lifestyle of a 70-year-old woman are working full-time, not living in Florida, and the lack of a vintage Desoto in my driveway.

I recently came to the conclusion that I have the hobbies of a seasoned, senile, senior when Zach asked me to meet with him to discuss the possibility of being a regular contributor for his blog. I told him, “Thursday night is no good, Good, I already have plans for waltzing lessons at the senior center, followed by a rousing game of bridge.” And I wasn’t kidding...that really is how I spend my Thursday evenings.

To the outside world I do my best to project myself as a “smart-stylish-sleek-professional-26-year-old-radio-diva”, but all of my real friends know that my favorite activities are closer to the pastimes of a gray-haired granny. Some of my favorite activities, besides the above mentioned, include pinochle, Scrabble over hot tea, watching Wheel of Fortune (I once had dinner with Pat Sajak), putting together puzzles, sitting on front porches during rainstorms, drinking wine, cooking, sending care packages and hand-written letters to friends, and writing speeches for my Toastmasters club.

For a brief while I even joined a crocheting club because it sounded like fun. Strangely enough, I soon found that making intricate, minute patterns with yarn is about as much fun as learning from my dentist last month that I have 8 cavities that will cost me $3,357.00 to fix.

Ultimately, though, who cares! Where did we get this perception of “age-appropriate” activities anyway? Since when should our age define our interests?  I mean, isn’t fun still fun regardless of the year on your birth certificate? I challenge you to go to a park and watch a little kid on a slide having the time of his life and ask yourself when and why you stopped enjoying going down a slide. (Of course, if you have a passion for slides and tire swings, then by all means, slide and swing to your heart’s content!)

Just because we’re “grown-ups” now, we shouldn’t disregard the lives or interests of those younger or older than us. One of my favorite authors Shel Silverstein once wrote:

Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.”
Said the old man, “I do that too.”
The little boy whispered, “I wet my pants.”
“I do that too,” laughed the old man.”
Said the little boy, “I often cry.”
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
“But worst of all,” said the boy, “it seems
Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
“I know what you mean,” said the old man.

Perhaps in the journey of life we need to listen to the 5-year-old at the park and the quirky little old lady at the senior center. Maybe they’re the ones having the most fun.

And if you thought you were done with, perhaps, Sesame Street, check out some highlights from this week’s episode of Scrubs: